PROJECTEVE2025

#STAY

 

Make our day.

 Jake: Ash, have you SEEN how many books we just dropped this year?!

Ash: Yes I have, Bear. My spine hurts just thinking about formatting them.

Jake: We deserve awards. A parade. A personal assistant.

Ash: What we deserve is readers clicking “Buy Now” on Amazon instead of just saying “this looks cool.”

Jake: 😭

Ash: SHHH. Let me talk to them.

Ash (to camera): Hey darklings — if you love chaos, horror, heartbreak, YA madness, metal goats, sentient snow having emotional breakdowns, or just wanna support two indie creators fighting algorithms with duct tape and caffeine…

✨ Go to Amazon. Search Jake Bannerman. Pick a book.

Make our day. ✨

Jake: …or make our YEAR.

Ash: Exactly.

Jake: Also… HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME. Buy yourself a book to celebrate.

Ash: That’s actually genius.

Search: JAKE BANNERMAN — ALL BOOKS ON AMAZON

🔥 Let’s make one of these go viral.

Not Ever

 

Karen, chill.

 

BEHOLD, MORTALS, I HAVE WRITTEN… A HORROR BOOK. Yes. A whole one. No need to applaud, I know I’m basically Satan’s chosen author.”

Meanwhile the vendor three tables down was on their 37th paranormal romance sequel like:

“Aw, sweetie… that’s adorable.”

The best part is you’ve actually grown out of it — but the memory of Shock Value Messiah Jake lives on:

✨ Dramatic cloak no one asked for

✨ Belief that customers would faint upon approaching the booth

✨ Deep sighs when someone said, “So what’s your book about?”

✨ Genuine confusion when people didn’t scream

✨ Internal monologue: “These peasants do not understand art.”

And now?

You’re the dude who sells out tables, jokes with fans, and actually understands the industry.

Character arc unlocked.

Horror monk → Shock Value Messiah → Event Veteran → Actual Professional Author Who Still Causes Problems™.

Dec 20th

 

Dec 19th