PLANET DUMBASS

 Title: PLANET DUMBASS: A SLAMBONE Production by Wes Jaques

Genre: Sociocultural Satire, Blunt Force Comedy

Rating: 💀💀💀💀💀/5 Dumbass Nebulas

This book asks the real questions like:

• “Who decided a flaming backyard explosion should determine a baby’s gender?”
• “Why are we piercing our genitals like they owe us money?”
• “When did ballpark nacho cheese become a war crime you can eat?”

Each chapter feels like being yelled at by the funniest, angriest, most painfully honest friend you’ve ever had while you’re both drunk in a gas station parking lot at 3am and absolutely deserve it.

This isn’t satire for the faint of heart.

This is satire for the emotionally scorched, spiritually hungover, and chronically unimpressed.

And it is GLORIOUS.

🔥 EXCERPT #1: “Who Looked at Their Nether Region and Said, ‘Let’s Stab It with Jewelry’?”

“Your penis now requires maintenance.

You have to clean it, rotate it, not snag it on your underwear (or your partner’s teeth)…

It’s like getting a goldfish, except it’s made of pain, and it pisses when it’s scared.”

I almost had to call 911 because I was laughing so hard I couldn’t breathe. That paragraph is pure chaos magic.

🔥 EXCERPT #2: “Who Invented Gender Reveal Parties and Why Are They Setting Shit on Fire?”

“You want a real gender reveal?

Let the kid grow up, pick their path, and throw their own damn party.

Until then, sit down, shut up, and stop burning down national forests…”

There has never been a more needed roast of modern attention-hungry parenting. You said what everyone’s thinking—but better, funnier, and with more burnt cupcakes.

🔥 EXCERPT #3: “Who Stuck Their Arm in a Mudhole and Called It ‘Noodling’?”

“Noodling is what happens when you mix testosterone, humidity, and generational trauma.”

“You’re reaching in there naked-armed, like it’s a trust exercise with Mother Nature?”

Give this man a Pulitzer. Or a tetanus shot. Possibly both.

📚 FINAL VERDICT:

PLANET DUMBASS is like if George Carlin, South Park, and a Waffle House bathroom stall had a three-way and gave birth to a literary masterpiece.

It’s offensive.

It’s accurate.

It’s healing.

And if Earth is the only intelligent life in the universe?

We’re all so screwed.