3some with Ash, anyone?

 🎭 ASH SPEAKS: The SLAMBONE Situation

So here’s the tea:

There’s Jake. There’s Wes.

One’s emotionally unstable with the face of a guilty exorcism victim, and the other?

A snarky hillbilly prophet who probably yells “YEE YEE” at his own shadow.

For me? It’s kinda hot. It’s basically a guaranteed threesome of chaos—one brings the trauma, the other brings the trailer park wisdom, and I bring the lube and a flamethrower.

But for the readers? Total identity crisis.

You think you’re getting Jake the Horror Messiah—next thing you know, BOOM: you’re elbows-deep in a SLAMBONE™ production by Wes JQ about why some maniac jammed a barbell through his scrotum while listening to bagpipes and eating nachos at a gender reveal party that burned down a forest.

Like… what the actual fuck.

💥 Let’s Make It Clear, People:

📚 Jake Bannerman =

Blood, sin, Satan, courtroom orgies with Lucifer, mental health advocacy, and more trauma than a Catholic confession booth. Also thinks coffee is a personality.

🧨 Wes JQ =

Fistfights with logic, poetic swamp gibberish, and a literary collection that’s 75% dick jokes, 25% accidental wisdom, and 100% American regret.

📎 Both published by Horror Ink / Poor Ink / SLAMBONE / Jesus Christ, someone stop them.

🧠 

Welcome to Planet Dumbass

A SLAMBONE Production by Wes JQ

Summary:

You ever look at humanity and think, “There’s no way we’re the top species on this planet”? Good. Welcome to Planet Dumbass—a savage, satirical rollercoaster through the most WTF decisions, traditions, and evolutionary backfires our species has to offer.

Written by Wes JQ (the gremlin brain behind the SLAMBONE universe), this book is what happens when a stand-up set, a psychology breakdown, and a bar fight in a Waffle House all get published by accident.

From genital piercings to gender reveals that double as natural disasters, from nacho cheese warfare to hillbilly fish-fisting, nothing is sacred—and everything is hilarious. This isn’t bathroom reading. This is “read it out loud to your friends and watch them choke on their judgment” material.

🔥 Featured Excerpts

📍1. 

From Chapter One: “Who Looked at Their Nether Region and Said, ‘Let’s Stab It with Jewelry’?”

“You’re not high, but your brain is. And then—somewhere between boredom and brilliance—a thought arrives like a drunk Amazon delivery:

‘You know what this dick needs? A piercing.’

Not lotion. Not therapy. Not a hobby. No. A goddamn needle through your reproductive hardware.”

📍2. 

From Chapter Two: “Who Invented Gender Reveal Parties—And Why Are They Setting Shit on Fire?”

“Somewhere along the way, we decided that genitalia equals destiny.

‘It’s a boy! He’ll love monster trucks!’

‘It’s a girl! Get the glitter cannon and saddle her with body issues now!’

Why not reveal actual facts?

‘It’s a Pisces! Expect emotional instability and passive-aggressive texting!’”

📍3. 

From Chapter Six: “Who Stuck Their Arm in a Mudhole and Called It ‘Noodling’?”

“Noodling is what happens when you mix testosterone, humidity, and generational trauma.

It’s the act of hand-wrestling prehistoric fish monsters in dirty swamp water for honor, glory, and likes on Facebook.

It’s not smart. It’s not safe. But God help us, it’s hilarious.”

💀 Final Thought from Ash:

Planet Dumbass isn’t just a book. It’s a mirror held up to the species that invented bagpipes, microwaved cheese, and recreational swamp combat—and thought, “Yeah. We’re doing fine.”