ASH’S DATING FOR IDIOTS Written by a woman who owns seven vibrators and zero patience.

 

“ASH’S DATING FOR IDIOTS” – A FIELD GUIDE FOR THE SEXUALLY INEPT

Posted by Ash Robacheaux, spiritual dominatrix and certified menace to dating apps everywhere

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🖤 INTRO:

Let’s be honest—dating in 2025 is like licking a subway pole and hoping for true love.
It’s chaotic. It’s filthy. It’s mostly disappointing.
Which is why I wrote the guide you didn’t know you needed but absolutely do.

ASH’S DATING FOR IDIOTS is part sex advice, part spiritual cleansing, and part roast session for anyone who’s ever said “you like that?” while doing… absolutely nothing.

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📖 WHAT’S INSIDE:

🔹 How to undo a bra without performing a ritual sacrifice
🔹 What not to say before, during, or after sex
🔹 Why the VULANATOR 3000 doesn’t care about your feelings
🔹 How to ask for anal without becoming a ghosted meme
🔹 Threesomes, toy jealousy, and fragile masculinity—exorcised with love

And no, this book will not teach you how to be “alpha.”
It’ll teach you how to not be the reason someone fakes a phone call mid-date.

EXCERPT 1 - 

How to Ask for Anal Without Getting Bitchslapped

Step 1: Don’t ask during sex.
Step 2: Don’t say “Just the tip.”
Step 3: Don’t try to “surprise” her.
Step 4: Be emotionally stable, generous in bed, and wash your f*cking hands.

If you’re not willing to eat her ass, don’t even think about sticking anything in it.

EXCERPT 2 - How to Dirty Talk Without Sounding Like a High School Improv Student

Stop trying to narrate everything you’re doing like it’s a football game.

Bad:

“Yeah, you like that? I’m gonna… uh… put it in now. Here it goes. You like that? Yeah? You like that?”

EXCERPT -3 The Safe Word Is NOT “Keep Going”

Pick a word you’d never say during sex.
Wrong answers include:

• "Harder"
  
  

• "Daddy"