Let me teach you a little something about temptation.

 

✝️ How to Seduce a Preacher

by Ash (of Ash & Ink)

Let me teach you a little something about temptation.

Because if you’re going to hell anyway, you might as well ride shotgun in silk and stilettos with a preacher’s mouth on your thighs.

Step 1: Don’t play innocent.

He’s seen enough virgins cry in pews. You? You’re different.

You’re the sermon he was never allowed to preach.

Look him in the eye when he talks about righteousness.

Smile slowly.

He’ll feel it in his collar before his conscience catches up.

Step 2: Know your scripture… but rewrite it.

When he says “The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak,”

you say: “Then let me strengthen your flesh, Father.”

Quote Psalms with lip gloss.

Mention sin while crossing your legs.

Let him imagine baptizing you in something that isn’t holy water.

Step 3: Confess something 

filthy.

Not in a booth. In his office. Alone.

Tell him you’ve had unclean thoughts.

That they involved his hands. His voice. His belt.

Say it like a prayer—soft, trembling, deliciously wrong.

Watch him fold.

Step 4: Touch the collar.

Just once.

Run your finger along the white tab.

Tell him you like a man who dresses for power but begs in private.

Step 5: Say amen…

While unbuttoning your blouse.

While on your knees.

While making him question everything he thought he knew about heaven and women.

Because listen to me, love:

He’s already halfway yours the moment you walk in and don’t flinch at his guilt.

Preachers are just men who learned how to lie pretty.

You? You’re the truth with a slit skirt and holy vengeance in your hips.

Now go collect your tithe.

And don’t forget to bring him to his knees.

— Ash 🕯️

Ash & Ink • Where sin writes back